I Started Writing But Then Stopped…

I started writing a long, involved post and then thought… Does anyone really want to read what I’ve written? I know I read several posts from those that I follow and others from the “reader”. I don’t always “like” or “comment” on your posts but I do read them. They are often a bright spot in my day when I put myself in someone else’s shoes and see things from their perspective: I’ve laughed; I’ve cried; I’ve been inspired!

And then I read a post where someone included a link to another blogger. The title caught my eye, “When Nobody Knows Your Story But Everyone Knows Your Name”. Now I don’t barrel race nor do I own a horse. But I so related to Emily’s words.

We show the world a version of ourselves. But rarely the whole picture. We give everyone a glimpse of the bright moments, the triumph, and the fun. But what about the rest of the story? What about the defeat, the heartache, the sin and loss? Where is the real stuff?

Thank you, Emily Gernaat, for your post! I, too, hide the “real stuff”. I’m seriously struggling to recover from my spine surgery. While I’m only 4.5 months post op, it feels like I’ve been “recovering” for almost two years! All of 2017 is a blur after the first spine fusion surgery failed. I still have nerve pain in both of my legs/feet and prolonged standing increases my lower lumbar pain. But I refuse to give up my “life”! I am just not the type of person who lays around all day watching TV and complaining about “pain”.

Instead, I push myself to spend time with those that I love. I have a wonderful family and support system; I don’t tell them nearly enough how much I love them! And I have my animals that bring me so much joy.

Spring time and my donkeys are shedding their winter coats. Jill loves the attention by being brushed; I am sure she was doted on in her previous home. She is just so sweet. Jack, on the other hand, was likely ignored. He is great as a companion for Jill but when it comes to being handled, well, a person needs to earn his trust. He is wary of anything “new”.

And that is what I did! I earned Jack’s trust! All of his antics and theatrics… My farrier calls him a “drama queen”! I didn’t let him scare me away. Instead, I spent time with Jack training him; communicating on his level what I wanted to do and convincing him to let me do it! This is his third spring with us and I now can brush him! I am sure brushing him was a sensory overload initially but through patience and persistence, he now enjoys being brushed. He enjoys being touched.


The donkeys are a big part of my life. Why? Because when I agreed to bring them to my home, I promised to give them a better life. I had no idea how much Jack would give back to me. My “real stuff” includes a tremendous heartache; a void I don’t know how to fix. Jack senses this void in me and tries to fill it every time I’m with him. He can’t fix my spine nor can he fix my heartache but he tries. He knows my “real story” because when no one else is around, we’ve talked. And he listens.


Again, quoting Emily in her post:

Sometimes the real story of my life is not the one I want to tell. I’d rather paint a different picture. I’d rather show you the version of myself that is put together and doing great and making good choices, not the real me that is mostly a basket case just trying to make it day by day.

And so with this post, I admit I’m taking life one day at a time. There are “good days” and some “not-so-good days” but every day is a gift to be a better person. That is why I’m focusing on the future spending time with those that I love and fighting hard to get my life back! And if there is anyone that may feel the same as I do, you are not alone! You may not have a donkey to hear your stories (nor necessarily get the likes and comments on your posts) but you are heard! I hear what you are saying!

XOXO ~ Jennifer

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